I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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