i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
