You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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