the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
