it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
