I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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