What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
