I hate your face
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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