im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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