ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
