There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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