awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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