anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
