I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
