he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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