I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
