my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
