I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
