you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
