You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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