i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
