Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
