What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
