No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
