Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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