white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
