Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
