cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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