i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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