I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
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I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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