that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
