I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
