The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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