tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
