and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
