i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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