1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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