This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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