First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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