Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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