I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
