He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize