So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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