My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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