I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Someone signed my nipple.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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