I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
