We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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