if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
