Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The air was thick with penises
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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