I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
