Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
