Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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