The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
