I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
