1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
