I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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