I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
