the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
