She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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