WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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