You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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