I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
