i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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