I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
