the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
