she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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