I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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