I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he thought i was a dude.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
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definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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